It was going really well. So well.

I have awesome friends. I got rid of most of the idiots a while ago.

But I swear, the next person who says to me ‘Oh, of-course! Gender is complete fluid. I’m gender-queer too.’ I am going to hit over THE FRICKEN HEAD.

Right, so those of you who know me, know that I will do no such thing. But seriously, I feel like screaming.

I’m really bloody happy for you that your in touch with your gender-queerness and enjoy being a feminine male or masculine female, really I am. But you manage to do it while still representing to the general public the gender that they expect you to display.

I am not a feminine male. Nor am I a masculine female.

I am a male/female, therefore I am both feminine/masculine.

I was so happy for a while there, I wasn’t getting angry at all. Shit.

Is the problem the definition, peoples understanding of the definition, or am I just being too precious?

Some days it almost feels that it would be worth changing my name (which I like and am comfortable with) and asking people to change pronouns just so they’ll take this shit seriously.

Damn it.

    • nzrose05
    • October 16th, 2010

    Gender is fluid in that the requirements for each gender are changing all the time in any given culture. Our personal gender identity is not fluid! We can not just do things of the other gender without it being a big deal for our gender identity and the social reaction that reinforces the strict gender norms. There is NOT fluidity within cultural norms, if there were then we wouldn’t be in these labels to begin with and we would all be free of gender pressures.

    To me being gender-queer is about agency, an attempt to escape the restrictive male and female categories and it involves a lot of hard work and dedication.

    However, being gender-queer then puts you in the social category of ‘other’ or ‘abnormal’ which may be considered to reflect the impossibility of true agency… but at the same time at least you aren’t considered to be in the category of ‘woman’ and all the things that go along with that.

    What do you think of this analysis?

    • Hmmm…

      I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with pointing out the difference between gender and gender identity. When my gender identity matched my assigned gender I most definitely viewed gender as a social construct and therefore something that was malleable and fluid.


  1. I know what you mean. I used to go by ze and zan exclusively for pronouns and I used to have a gender neutral name, but people didn’t take it seriously. So, I caved, and started going by he and chose a name that’s recognized as masculine by most folks. Because I don’t ever pass, I think it’s obvious that I’m genderqueer when people refer to me as he. People do like to appropriate queer identities, though. Did you ever get a chance to see Privilege Denying Dude before he was pulled off the interwebs?

  2. Nope, missed him.

    I know I’m not going to pass even if I do go on T. I’m half Chinese and if my brother is anything to go by it’s not going to make that much of a difference. He shaves about once a month and gets mistaken for a girl on a semi-regular basis. In a way I think it can be a good thing. Because I know my chances of passing are slim-to-none I kind of don’t need to worry and stress about it the way that I see some people do.

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