Answering Questions

For quite a long time now I’ve held the view that if someone challenges what you’re talking about and asks a question that you should be able to answer it. Sometimes you may need to walk away and look a few things up but you should be able to answer it eventually or admit that there might be something wrong with the view your expressing.

So last night I finally tell my significant other that while I came out to him as genderqueer not that long ago I think that in the future there might be even more changes. Actually I’m pretty sure of it. While I’m not at the stage yet where I’m ready to transition I am pretty sure that I’m Trans. Only I didn’t actually say that because I’m nailbitey wimpy/nervous/apprehensive/scared and stuff. He said it for me.

I’m so glad that (eventually after umming and ahhing and many deep sighs) I managed to get it out. It’s something that was weighing on me a lot and I really needed to discuss with him. While I’m not going to be doing anything major for over a year, I though he deserved fair warning. After all while I’ll still be ME, the ME that he fell in love with was female, not male. By not talking to him I felt that I was being dishonest, that I was hiding it and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. I don’t feel like that in relation to other people because, frankly, it’s none of their business. They’ll get told when I’m good and ready to tell them. Probably when I change my name. It is his business though.

So then the questions started. Now, don’t get me wrong, they weren’t at all inquisitorial! They were all prefaced with ‘I’m not trying to talk you out of anything, I’m just trying to understand…’ This is why I wanted to talk to him about it. I think that answering questions is actually a good way for me to formulate what my views on this whole process actually are. I need to work out why I need to do some things but not others and why I can’t do other things instead.

The more questions I get asked the more answers I have to give which means the more answers I need to work out.

That’s good. I like having answers. 🙂

It’s also really good to share a burden.

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  1. Congratulations on exploring your gender and telling people about it! This work takes so much courage! Please be gentle with yourself.

  2. Wow, well done for sharing that with your partner! It takes a lot of guts! I remember drinking half a bottle of whiskey in a really short time period before telling a previous partner, sheesh. Anyhow, best of luck finding those answers, I’m excited about the possibility of not having answers at the moment and feeling like that’s a good thing.

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