Posts Tagged ‘ media ’

13 yr olds should probably not write songs. Unless of-course you are way better than me at songwriting

So, did you write songs when you were 13? Perhaps poems? Or, god forbid start work on a gigantic post-apocalyptic epic that you weren’t sure would turn into a five novel series or a movie?

Are you under 16? If so you should probably stop reading this post as it may make you all depressed and negative and stuff. Seriously. Stop reading kid.

Did you find that stuff when you were like two years older and look back and go ‘Holy shit! My God! Was I honestly that hideously naive and stupid?!? Like seriously, did I have learning difficulties two years ago?!?’

Now I horde all of my shit. I still have the diary that I wrote an entry in when Nelson Mandela got elected. It was all about how positive the world was and we actually have hope and how wonderful South Africa would be now. Ha. Ha ha. So every now and then I’d read something that I wrote a couple of years ago and I’d have my Holy Shit/learning difficulties/Naive Little Child moment.

So, when I started this blog I was all like ‘I’m genderqueer! Yay for me knowing what I am!’ Yeah, fucking right. You would have thought I would have learnt something by now.

When I was in my late teens (about a decade ago) I thought long and hard about whether I had the right gender. I decided that no, I would be as big a fail at being a man as I was at being a woman. I’ve evolved quite a lot since then. I was a reasonably sheltered teenager and my ideas about male/female/personhood have changed a hell of a lot. Heck, the worlds changed since then.

So, what I’m wondering now is, when I was so quick to label myself as qenderqueer why did I completely dismiss the possibility that I might be trans? I adopted the qenderqueer label before I’d even started properly investigating what being a transguy meant. I had rejected the trans label before I’d read any blogs, met any transguys or even formed any ideas about what being trans meant.

I’ve gotten to thinking, what were my ideas about transguys before starting this journey? What images/ideas have I absorbed from my surroundings about them that have formed the picture I have in my mind. I have two memories.
1) Boys Don’t Cry. I watched it while home alone (having moved back with mum) after a break up, when it was all stormy and dramatic outside, while suffering from PMS. Needless to say it was not a good experience. While I am glad I watched the movie there will never be a second time. Images that stuck with me: rednecks, violence, hiding, subterfuge, rape, murder and disaster.
2) Some Documentary Quite A While Ago. I think it was British. It was about several transgender people. The story I remember was about a couple that started out as two lesbians. One of them came to the conclusion that he was trans and started transitioning. His partner started transitioning too. With the hormones came a lot of fighting and they broke up. One of them regretted staring the transition process while the other one was quite happy with it. Images that stuck with me: doing something for someone you love because you’re too young/stupid to think for yourself, regret, heartache, hurting others, regret, unable to turn back.
3) L Word. I forget his name, but you know the one. Images that stuck with me: really bad dress sense, someone giving a blowjob to a prosthetic penis, heartache, black market T, breaking-up.

THREE INSTANCES. That was what I was basing my opinions about transguys on. I’m sure that there are more but those are the only ones that I can recall. THREE!!!!! So what made me think that I knew anything about transguys?

Oh, that’s right, I’m turning thirty next year and I’m still naive and stupid.

 

Update:  In full disclosure I feel that I should point out that while writing this post I went back and changed the word ‘retarded’ to ‘learning difficulties’.  While I felt slightly naff and overly PC doing so I did feel that it was necessary.  Changing a few words took me a few seconds and did not in anyway alter what I was trying to say in the post but leaving it as it was might have upset someone and ruined their day.