Posts Tagged ‘ wimping out ’

Good Things and Bad Things

So, on a fairly regular basis I come across stuff I want to share with you but I fear that if I re-post it all individually that it might start to devour my blog and it’ll end up full of re-postings and very little content from me.

So instead, I’ll be doing a summary of a Friday divided into fairly equal parts of good and bad stuff.  This is mainly because a lot of really shit stuff happens and sometimes I think we need to remind ourselves that good shit happens also.  I really want to look out for my friends who haven’t been having a good week either, they can just click on links to the positive stuff and ignore the rest.

Good Things

Bad Things

  • So I was going to link to some bad(stupid) things that happened locally.  Then I realised that that would raise the possibility of linking the idiots concerned back here to my blog.  So I decided not to add that.  Which is, in and of itself a bad thing.  Poos.
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Above and Beyond (and wimping out).

When I was a teenager one of my favourite programmes was Space: Above and Beyond.  One of the characters was Shane Vansen.  For those of you who have never seen the programme she was a bit like Starbuck on the modern Battlestar Gallactica. I used to run fantasy scenarios through my head where I imagined that I was her getting it on with another character called Cooper (He was kind of human but also kind of not. I’ve always had a thing for those characters that don’t quite fit in).  But whenever I did that the scenario would always end up getting confuddled and I’d end up getting it on with Shane instead.

She was that first experience for me where I realised that who I was, who I wanted to be and what I desired didn’t fit into the framework of all of the narratives that surrounded me.  The stories that I was reading, the programmes that I was watching, the conversations that I was faking didn’t work for me.   As I got older I found narratives that worked a bit better.  I found groups that I thought I could possibly belong to.  At least they fit a bit better than the old ones.  But still not quite right.

I have to start my own narrative.

So I wimped out.  I didn’t tell him.  It’s hard.  How do you say to a person “I thought I should let you know, I’m going to be changing a few things about the way I dress and the way I present myself, so um, I might start looking a bit like a guy.  Are you OK with that?”

He’s just so sure of himself, he always has been.  He is who he is and if people have a problem with that they can stuff it.  He doesn’t feel the pressure to conform because he never has.  It’s one of the things about him that I love the most.

I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it.  I’m sure it will be ok. 

It doesn’t stop me from being scared though.